winter

in Japan.

When it’s colder inside than it is outside.

I make tea but if I don’t drink it in five minutes, it’s cold. So I stick it in the microwave, pull it out, take one sip, and proceed to forget about it for the next five minutes. Rinse and repeat.

Whoever invented the kotatsu should get an award. And also a slight reprimand because its main function is providing warmth and a surface on which to eat citrus fruit and sip tea, but it has a neat side function of rendering all living beings who use it immobile and incapable of any productive activity. As an aside, I feel like I could make a whole catalog of those kinds of products (I’m looking at you, giant Muji beanbag aka hito wo dame ni suru kusshon, literally cushion-that-makes-people-worthless).

The never ending cycle of sweat and chill when you use public transportation. Because when you’re dressed for sub-freezing temperatures and wind chill, you are not happy to stand packed sardine-style in a traveling tin box that’s infuriatingly well-heated with both air conditioning and the body heat of your fellow commuters.

And they say, just take off your coat. (And your scarf. And your hat. And your arm warmers. And your gloves.) Which, yes, logic. Thank you.

But one, who has time for that in the hustle and bustle of working your way through crowds to get through the station and onto the proper platform? Before you know it, the train has arrived, and the people lined up behind you push you onto said train, and you are perhaps 80% involuntarily (I say 80% because you were intending to ride said train in the first place) slotted into a space between a gruff looking business man and a toothy elementary school kid with a dozen watches on his wrist where you barely have enough room to just stand still let alone take off a coat and a dozen other cold weather accessories.

And two, if I take off my hat, I’ll have hat hair. Duh.

If I stay outside long enough, my ears hurt.

When it’s winter in Japan, you forget how hot summer was. And when it’s summer in Japan, you forget how cold winter was.

weird dancing

in MVs, i love it. my current aesthetic is Yonezu Kenshi slip sliding through the city.

check it out

click for good vibes｜breathy vocal jams

For vocal inspiration, some of my favorites in different languages; paying particular attention to phrasing, breath, and tone. Best listened to in peace and quiet; rainy weather optimal but not necessary.

Through the Night – IU | Free – Deniece Williams | Beauty and the Beast [cover] – Aoi Teshima | Can’t Love You Anymore – IU (With. OHHYUK)

 

daily staple | Heimish Aqua Tone Up Cream review

Summer is in full force and I can’t be bothered to wear anything more than sunscreen and Glossier’s boy brow most days. That, and I have declared personal war against foundations. I have dry skin and mild keratosis pilaris—most foundations/concealers just don’t sit well on my skin. I expected that tone up creams would hit a nice middle ground for me by brightening and evening the skin tone while allowing skin to retain a fresh, bare sort of look. Unfortunately, all of the tone up creams I’ve tried so far also do not seem to work very well on dry skin; they are stiff, streaky, and pill endlessly.

But I finally found it! This is tone up cream perfection. It has a smooth, moist texture that’s easy to spread and does not cause pilling. With it, you can achieve a fresh but not overdone look without the fuss of making a product sit right on the skin. Definitely my sort of product.

I was online trying to restock on moisturizer when I came across it. I found myself putting it into my cart after reading ad-copy from the brand that specifically stated that the product adheres well and resists pilling.

I didn’t think much of it after that until my order arrived.

| Heimish Aqua Tone Up Cream |

Product claims/information:

• Brightens and nourishes (multi-function)
• Hydration with a light finish
• Moist texture spreads thinly and easily for a smooth application
• White-based natural tone up can be used for all skin types and genders
• Dewy, water-based glow
• Adheres well to the skin with minimal transfer

Ingredients:

Unfortunately, the full ingredients list is not available online yet, and I was stupid enough to throw away the outer container before taking a picture, thinking I could always look it up later. I’ll update as soon as I can find it. Some of the key ingredients include cactus stem extract and maltodextrin (hydration), glutathione and vitamin tree extract (brightening), and buddleja extract (antioxidant/skin conditioning). It also contains niacinamide and does not contain ethanol, for those who are concerned about sensitivities.

Other notes:

• Has skin care capabilities and can be used in the place of a regular moisturizer.
• Can extend makeup wear if used as a base.
• Can be used at night as brightening care/moisturizer.

On a whim and without much expectation, I applied it one day after my skin care and sunscreen. The silver tube comes in an interesting plastic cylinder case and looks like it should be toothpaste. I squeezed out a dime-sized amount of product, which actually ended up being too much. A little goes a long way.

The texture is slightly more watery than one would expect from a tone up cream. It spread easily across my skin, and though it was slightly streaky at first, blending gently with my fingers gave an even, smooth finish. It seemed to put a veil over redness, discoloration, and pores without looking chalky. In fact, my skin looked hydrated rather than powdery and dry. The skin-feel of the product is moist, but lightweight.

I’ve been using this on a semi-daily basis for almost a month now. I feel like it plumps up my skin whenever I use it, and these plumping effects seem to last until I cleanse my face at night. There is a mild, flowery sort of fragrance, but it has not been irritating in the slightest on my hyper-sensitive skin. Heimish claims that it can replace your day moisturizer, but I think that would depend on skin type. It is more than enough for oily/combination/dehydrated skin types that lack hydration, but it does not have the lipids and occlusive ingredients that are crucial for those with dry skin.

It wears fairly well throughout the day without too much bunching at the sides of my nose, which is crazy because not a day goes by in Japan lately where we’re not all sweating our faces off! I did note that applying too much does encourage the product to settle into creases, so I am careful to apply only a little bit to the eye and nose area.  I also pair this with the (other) love of my life, NARS radiant creamy concealer, when I want a little more coverage. It seems to work well with other foundation/concealer products because it leaves minimum residue on the skin.

Happy camper 🤗

march 10th

We got married on a rainy day in March, in a small church located in the suburbs of a fairly affluent—but in more of in the artsy-low-roofed-bungalows vein than business-oriented-American-dream vein—town in LA county. About a month later, we flew out to Japan with three suitcases, still unaccustomed to the feeling of wearing our wedding bands.

We’ve been in Nara for three months now, riding the waves of newlywed life and my visa application process (My husband is a Japanese native; I am a pale SanDiegan). Now that we’ve settled down, my hope is to update this blog more frequently.

Our wedding was a simple, frugal affair. Among the median $30,000 weddings that are the norm in LA, my husband and I wrangled our budget to about $7,000 total. We did almost everything by hand and were lucky enough to have the help of our wonderful church friends and family. From the photography to the decorations, it would not have been possible without them.

And while some say a woman’s wedding is the end of singlehood and therefore necessitates going out with a bang, had I a choice I would do it the exact same way again. As a Christian couple planning on doing an international move with the goal of eventually starting a ministry, we did not have much to spare in terms of finances, and we were able to save quite a bit of money. But more than that, through our wedding, we were able to see how loved and valued we are, and to see how the communities we had been pouring in to were 100% willing to rally around us and bless us.

Also, it rained, but that kind of just lent itself to the overall mood of the day. Rain is chic.

Photo dump below!

photos by Miku M.

heart room

The room where I live is a green smelling room. There is a powdery sort of warmth that I can sink into.

Most people want to curl into a ball and shrivel when they get back home, but I am the opposite.

There is just too much outside sometimes. Screaming, kicking, yelling. Catcalls that parade as compliments. Dishonesty disguised as individuality. Rocks and thorns and birds and burning, dry sun and nothing alive.

But the room where I live is a green smelling room. Flowers spring from the floors and the walls. Fresh fruit grows.

Most of all,

“Welcome home,” says He who tends the garden.

---

Let’s say that your heart is a room and someone lives in it. You’re like a property owner and you’re renting the space out. The only difference is, property owners aren’t directly connected to the property they own.

You, however, are directly affected by the state of your heart, by what’s in it. Your emotions, which bleed across your thoughts and actions. Your identity. What populates your body, mind, and soul as you wake up in the morning. What seeps out of you to your surroundings as you go about your day. What weighs upon you as you go to sleep at night.

Who are you going to let live in there?

I think that’s a choice we can make.

All kinds of hopefuls line up to take residence. School. Culture. People we like. Fame. Others’ opinions of us. Grudges. Money. Sex. Pride.

Actually, they probably don’t line up. They probably barge right on in, or maybe fight each other in the doorway. Maybe we’ve all had one or more of those often rowdy and troublesome residents occupying our inner room.

The thing is, they really trash the place, don’t they? Loud and crazy in all the wrong ways. Lazy when they shouldn’t be. Partiers who have no respect for who you are–how lovingly your room was made or who it belongs to. They stay up late, yell and scream at odd hours, trash the place and refuse to clean, leave cracks and holes and horrible graffiti lies on the walls.

These manifest on you and in you. Tears, anxiety, depression, self-doubt. Panic. Being unable to trust anyone. A whole slew of things that words cannot even begin to describe. It takes a lot of time and effort to clean things up and patch up the walls.

And then there’s the one who always waits outside the door. You never see him, but he’s always there. He’s easier to see when you’ve become a bit disenchanted with all the other potential residents.

So maybe you let him in. Maybe he comes in, and he cries, looking at the horrible state your room is in. His heart breaks for you as he sees how broken yours is. But he doesn’t complain.

“How can I live in this dump??”

He never says that.

“Okay,” He says, and gladly takes up residence in your torn up room.

He starts by cleaning things up. Clean, white walls, all patched up. Trash swept away, with not a speck remaining. Safe, comforting.

And then, He plants a garden.

Sometimes, you drop by and you’re excited because you see how awesome everything is getting. After a while, you get used to it and you don’t really see the progress; and you wonder, “What’s He doing in there? Is He even in there?”

But little by little, roots are forming. They come first. And then, you start seeing flowers. They’re beautiful, and your heart starts to lighten, breathe a little. Everything looks a little brighter.

Finally, there’s fruit. It nourishes you and strengthens you.

Life’s storms come, but you’re healthy enough to weather them.

Most importantly, life flows through you and from you in all that you do. Your thoughts are nourishing, your actions are loving. You are whole. You are rooted in life–the push and pull of circumstance no longer have you swinging back and forth.

And He stays there, tending to the garden, welcoming you home, eating with you when you’re hungry and thirsty because there’s no life–nothing substantial–out there in the wilderness.

Maybe he’s knocking, right now.

Art District wandering in heels

Saturday was an i-don’t-want-to-wear-anything sort of day (we all have those, right?) I threw on some white and some black and my trusty heels from Everlane and decided I was good to go. Off to the arts district!

I’ve been living in silk tanks these days. It’s an easy, delicate look, and feels like a breeze on your skin. My jean jacket has “smile” monogrammed on it in navy—a mantra of sorts for the joy of the Lord within me. It’s pretty much slouchy perfection. I got coffee on the inside of the sleeve at Groundworks, but that’s kind of what I love about white denim. It bears all of life’s marks.

White jean jackets tend to look a little like doctor’s whites on me, so I’m careful to offset this with something a little less starched and more feminine. Loose chinos, block heels, and a silk tank did the trick. Another good tip with white on top is to go casual–jeans and beat-up sneakers are equally as nice.

Walked around arts district. These heels are everything: comfortable, walkable, the perfect balance between boyish and feminine chic. There are always models and bloggers snapping shots around here. Made it to Little Tokyo, grabbed some matcha ice cream and lived in my whites a little bit. I think I’m getting better at this whole “look into the camera without derping” thing.

 

on: Everlane Chinos in black | Brandy Melville cami |Madewell OS jean jacket in Tile White | Everlane day heel in nude

Proverbs 31:25

Warm-weather Skin Care Favorites

When I think of the summer aesthetic, the word “glow” immediately comes to mind. SoCal residents are known for a beautiful, bronzed beach glow, but a healthy glow looks great on every skin tone. The Korean term for this lit-up look is 광 “gwang.” The most covetable glow (속광 “sokgwang”) is created from keeping the skin healthy. I’ve grown into this approach to skin care as a Korean American, and I’ve realized it’s purely foundational. Like, makeup is optional (fun, self-expressive), instead of necessary (covering flaws, dependency). In my own experience of it, skin care is more in the realm of health and well-being than enhancement. Also, I’m um, minimalist (read: lazy), so I like things that are not fussy but still effective.

Here are my three summer loves! Well-suited for warmth and sunshine.

1. Exfoliate! Dr. G Brightening Peeling Gel
   
   Peeling gels are all the rage in Asian skincare, and for good reason—gommage peels have all the non-abrasive qualities of a chemical exfoliant but tend to be a little less heavy-handed in terms of exfoliation. Exfoliating increases skin turnover, lifting away dead skin cells that make your skin look dull and interfere with proper skin balance. Exfoliating well (but not overdoing it!) helps skin regulate itself and also aids in better absorption for a healthy glow.
   I have absurdly sensitive skin, and I have no problems with this gel from Dr G. Dermatologist developed, this gel has a slightly medicinal, tea tree scent and is soothing and refreshing on the skin. Rubbing gently onto damp skin unglues dead skin cells, helping skin turnover. This gel does not increase photo-sensitivity like some other chemical exfoliants may. (Recommended use once a week for dry/sensitive skin, 2-3x a week for oilier skin).
2. Super glow-charging nutrition. LJH Vita Propolis Ampoule
   
   Okay, this stuff is legit. It lives up to the hype and more, despite being extremely expensive. It’s an extra-potent ampoule (skin care with super concentrated ingredients) that contains over 40% pure propolis—antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, antioxidant rich—and other amazing things like sea buckthorn extract, niacinamide, and 3 types of vitamins. It’s incredibly versatile and not at all finicky; it absorbs quickly with minimal tackiness and also mixes extremely well with essences and creams. The bottle is tiny, but two drops either under or mixed with my moisturizer goes a long way. It not only keeps irritation and acne at bay, but it also quickly fills my skin up with much-needed nutrition. My skin isn’t absolutely 100% flawless because of this (let’s face it, I think this is an unrealistic goal), but it’s smooth, healthy, and radiant. Other ways I love to use this (courtesy of glowrecipe tips): mixed into sunscreen or BB cream, or dabbed onto cheekbones and eyelids for a natural looking highlight.
3. Hydrate often! Benton Honest TT mist
   
   Hydrating/moisturizing is key to keeping skin balanced and healthy, but the last thing I want to do in the summer is weigh my skin down with heavy layers or oils. I don’t even want to wear my cushion on most days. Mists are my best friend in the summer! Benton’s TT mist is great (aside from reminding me of an overplayed K-pop song) because it’s non-irritating and has no fragrance—it’s just a cooling, hydrating boost that’s easily applied throughout the day, even over makeup. It contains a safe concentration of tea tree water (also antibacterial) to soothe. This one travels with me everywhere. Tip to using a mist well: Spritz and pat. Dampen the skin, then gently pat/press until it’s all absorbed.

The last thing, which kind of goes without saying for someone who grew up in a Korean family like me, is to wear sunscreen! Even if you prefer a little color via the sun in the summertime or already have beautiful, richly toned skin, protecting the skin before seeing the sun is crucial for preventing spots and premature wrinkles from collagen breakdown. Sunscreen that is marked PA+++ actually inhibits skin darkening. For those who are after that gorgeous, bronzed look, I recommend a PA++ sunscreen.

Easy-peasy glowy! Here comes my lazy-ass summer. Hehe.

hometown beaches & whites

A spontaneous day trip to my old hometown of Del Mar (northern San Diego) called for a pre-summer outfit and some beach pictures. I’m definitely a beach-girl, but not in the traditional sense. I’m more of a walker than a swimmer, and this especially holds true in San Diego, where the day may be blue-skied and fair, but the water will be frigid all year round. My experience of the beach is more like that–strolling the edge of the sand with a Board&Brew sandwich in hand, letting the water skim my toes, maybe with a book tucked away in my bag.

Incidentally, spring/early summer happens to be my favorite season for beach-going. I always feel like that’s when the air is a little cleaner and crisper. If July and August are represented by more vibrant colors (coral, ocean blue), I like to think that the spring-summer transition is characterized by clean white and more muted, soft blues.

It was seriously a lovely day, and the beach was super crowded! The Del Mar beach is beautiful, but the shoreline at the Torrey Pines Reserve is probably my favorite. That’s where we (me+1) took the majority of these shots. The beach is lined with rocks, and it’s a tad more isolated than Del Mar. My friend and I also hiked up to the cliffs around the coast and took a few snaps there.

I was also in for a colossal surprise, but that’s a story for another time.

My go-to for beaching (and just about everything in the spring and summer) is a clean, white button-up. I love my whites (tide-to-go is my best friend) and like to pair fabrics with occasions. Gauzier fabrics like the button-up I wore in this shoot are really casual and airy with slight polish, perfect for brunches and days out. I tend to save my crisper shirts for the office, church, or date nights.

Whites + jeans = foolproof (except for around that kimchi, keep that away from me). In some of the pictures, I’m wearing a lightweight Madewell cardigan from several summers ago.

As a side note, I love how that lady behind me in the pictures below flashed a lovely smile as she walked by. Also, that red bucket hat. /want

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Processed with VSCO with e2 preset

My bag (Mulberry Alexa in the larger size) was a graduation gift from a few years back. It’s a gorgeous, faded blue shade in soft buffalo leather that goes with just about anything. I think this bag wins when paired with slouchier, oversized fits for an overall carefree look because of its lack of structure, but it also contrasts beautifully with more tailored outfits. It’s a carry-forever bag.

Also can’t forget that half-tuck. With slouchier pieces, the half-tuck is everything, and a super easy way to look the right amount of undone. Details.

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Processed with VSCO with e3 preset

This was a very special day for many reasons, and it seems to show in the fact that I couldn’t stop smiling or laughing for these photos. I think the best summer accessory (or for every season) is a smile. What about you?

Back to LA~

On: 

BLANKNYC jeans // Elizabeth & James white button-up // Madewell cardigan

 Mulberry Alexa OS bag in slate blue

Steve Madden sandals

Unfortunately the Mulberry Alexa is no longer a part of the collection and cannot be purchased new. It can still be purchased pre-owned.

love, HIKARI

intermittent

post-relational musings; quickly jotted down in a scrap of paper upon feeling the sudden need to document my desire to be a particular sort of woman. now a thing of the past.

---

 

she walked quickly when she was with him. it was never to keep up—no, he was an ambler, not a strider. but under the thick gaze of his hooded eyes and the well-waxed tufts of his black hair she felt a quickening of the soul that loosened her legs to spring forward. they weren’t long, nor were they particularly pleasant to look at, but she liked to think that the speed lengthened them and straightened her shoulders.

it made her feel taller.

she hardened her eyes and overlooked everything around her as she walked. she wanted it suddenly, to be biting, to be fierce. she wanted to buy tight skirts and smack red lips condescendingly. under the thick, languid gaze of his hooded eyes, she became a fighter, and the assured movements of her tightly drawn back was her shield. he ambled, and she strode, staying always just

a little ahead of him.

she needed that, to feel like she was somebody, because most of the time

under the thick, languid gaze of his hooded eyes,

she didn’t.

until he grabbed at her with a low smile and strained at her with his pristine brows, the ones he trimmed weekly before the dimly lit sink mirror. “wait up.”

and upon feeling this straining, she worked the fleshy insides of her cheeks between her teeth, made eyes at him. but she slowed down. the fluttering in her legs subsided, and she rubbed the redness of her lips away on his cheek.

HIKARI. 12/2015.